I am going through a transition right now. It has been long, interesting and I think note-worthy. Maybe some of you are going through this as well? When I met my firefighter, Steve was 26 years old. He is now almost 50 and things have changed.
When I first got involved with Steve, he would go on 3-4 (two hour) call backs a day if he was not working. After we got married a year and a half later, I remember him having his pager on all night. He would get up in the middle of the night over and over again to go to the station. It was great money, but the interrupted sleep for both of us took its toll. 22 years later, he doesn't even have his radio turned on. In fact, I am not even sure where his radio is! He gets texts of calls sent to his phone but he keeps it on silent. It has been almost 3 years since he has gone on a call in the middle of the night on his days off.
Although my husband seems to never struggle with PTSD, (he puts on an extremely tough emotional front), yet I wonder if that will ever catch up with him. When we had children, he would come home and be very silent when he went on a bad call involving a child. He would usually open up to me by the afternoon and we would talk about it. I can't imagine the horror of seeing a dead child, let alone touch him, or work on him. This would be my worse nightmare. I don't know how he can not dwell on it and just move on. It scares me sometimes. What if all those images suddenly come back to haunt him and he may not be able to cope? I recently read an article about PTSD and firefighters. The article stated that a firefighter has a virtual Rolodex in his brain of all the bad calls he has been on. As he gets older, it gets bigger and bigger. I never thought of that. The only PTSD my husband has ever admitted to is when he is driving and someone is driving like a maniac around him. He gets extremely agitated. I finally asked him why he was so angry. He said "It is because I am the one that has to pick up the pieces when he wrecks." That made total sense to me. Crazy drivers take him back to his bad car wreck memories that are filed in his Rolodex.
Another change that has affected our relationship is the fact that since he doesn't go on so many calls, we have more time together. I used to be pretty much parent the six kids on my own. He was gone for work, or for overtime much of the time. I learned to be very independent. When, Steve started slowing down on the call back, he was around way more. That took some adjusting. We had to learn a different routine. Different but good. I feel like we are more "man and wife" now. Maybe this is how normal people live! LOL!
The last thing that has drastically changed is how tired he is after his shift. Even if he doesn't get up to go on a call (he is a Captain now, which means he stays at the station way more), his sleep is still interrupted by loud bells, lights coming on and radios blaring. This is so hard on people's bodies. Years and years of this has taken it's toll. Now when he comes home, he needs to take long naps. At first I used to get mad because it felt like he was just wasting the day away. Now, I realize how much his body needs that rest.
"We were under great pressure,...so that we despaired even of life...But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead." -2 Corinthians 1:8-9
Pressed beyond measure; yes, pressed to great length;
Pressed so intensely, beyond my own strength;
Pressed in my body and pressed in my soul,
Pressed in my mind till the dark surges roll.
Pressure from foes, and pressure from dear friends.
Pressure on pressure, till life nearly ends.
Pressed into knowing no helper but God;
Pressed into loving His staff and His rod.
Pressed into liberty where nothing clings,
Pressed into faith for impossible things.
Pressed into living my life for the Lord,
Pressed into living a Christ-life outpoured.
This poem resonated within my spirit. There is so much pressure from being "pressed". I once heard someone say, "When you are pressed what comes out of your heart? Is it hate, bitterness, or resentment? Or is it love, kindness, patience and gentleness? Oh, to be the latter!
Right now, I am feeling squeezed. Six children all in school. One about to graduate. Everyone except one child are in multiple sports. It is just so busy. When I am gone for games and appointments, the housework builds up and then I feel pressed even more. I feel pressed when I know my husband needs attention when he gets home from the fire station. I feel pressed when I know my children need their individual attention and I am always trying to build and maintain relationships with the ones that are struggling the most in their teen years. I feel pressed when it comes to ministry at the church, because I want to help. I want to serve and I want to see people taught in the Scriptures and discipled, there is always so much to do and there is only so much time that I have to do it.
This is when I must remember the term "seasons". Ahhh, God knows this. Jesus had seasons, the prophets of old had seasons, I only need to do what God asks me to do and do it well. I need to listen to him and see what He wants me to give up before I add something new.
Being pressed isn't bad. It makes me dependent instead of independent. It makes me willing to ask my husband and children for their help. It even allows grandparents and friends to represent me at a game if I can't make it.
Are you feeling pressed? I would love to hear your thoughts and your encouragement if you have come through this season of life victoriously!
"Show me your way , oh Lord, teach me Your paths; guide me in Your truth and teach me for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long." -Psalm 25:4-5 My Mission for this BLOG is to bring glory to God as I share what He is teaching me as I raise my children for Him. I want to encourage mothers all around the world to hang in there! Motherhood is tough, challenging and gritty. But through Christ's strength and the support of other moms who are in the trenches, I will keep pressing towards the goal to raise Godly children. Please feel free to leave comments. It blesses me so much! You can also email me at email@example.com
I am a Stay-At-Home mother of six children. We LOVE having a large family. My first love, is Christ and the Words of the Bible. My passion is to teach my children about the Lord. I love to watch my children discover their own faith in God. My husband has been a firefighter for over 20 years and is now an officer. I am very proud of him. I long to be a Titus 2 woman who encourages other women to love their husbands and children and to thrive in their homes, not just survive.
The noblest calling in the world is that of a mother. True motherhood is the most beautiful of all arts, the greatest of all professions. She who can paint a masterpiece or who can write a book that will influence millions deserves the plaudits and admiration of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters whose immortal souls will be exerting an influence throughout the ages long after paintings shall have faded, and books and statues shall have been destroyed, deserves the highest honor that man can give. -David O. McKay Motherhood is the one thing in all the world which most truly exemplifies the God-given virtues of creating and sacrficing. Though it carries the woman close to the brink of death, motherhood also leads her into the very realm of the fountians of life and makes her co-partner with the Creator in bestowing upon eternal spirits mortal life. -David O McKay We can't form our children on our own concepts; we must take them and love them as God gives them to us. -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward. -Psalm 127:3 The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom -Henry Ward Beecher The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children. -Elaine Heffner People who say they sleep like babies usually don't have them. -Leo J. Burke
To be a mother is a woman's greatest vocation in life. She is a partner with God. No being has a position of such power and influence. She holds in her hands the destiny of nations, for to her comes the responsibility and opportunity of molding the nation's citizens. -Spencer W. Kimball