God has used His Word to me through a devastation our family has suffered through for the last two years. On exactly this day, January 23 (two years ago), our lives would be changed forever. I was never good at memorizing God’s Word, even though I was very familiar with it. When our devastation occurred, I was pleased that the Word of God poured forth out of my mouth when I was in an almost mental and spiritually-paralyzed state. As I entered my crisis of belief, I had to truly determine as Job did, who God was and is He truly good. I knew that I “could curse God and die,” or I could trust Him and believe that he was good and was for me and my family and fall on my knees and worship Him.
As I opened my Bible in my grief, I would cry out to Him and wonder why He wasn't answering my prayers. There were nights when the pain was so great that I would fall asleep reading His Word. The enemy would plant fears in me so strong, that I was afraid to let go of the Word. I would sleep with it open beside me, my hand resting upon it. It became more important than food and water. I could barely eat, but God fed me with His Word. He sustained me in my darkest hour. Nothing else could satisfy. When the enemy would plant thoughts of discouragement, distrust and confusion in my mind, God’s Word whispered in my ear. “NO!” “I am the way, the truth and the life. Trust in me! I am your strength and your shield, your very great reward.” His love washed over me minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, month by month and now two years later I can say he is still lovingly carrying me through this.
Something I have learned to do when I am going through a time of confusion is to ask God for a Word for that particular situation or crisis. He almost will always give me a portion of Scripture that I can say quickly in my head if I start to falter and doubt. I pray continually that God will open my eyes to see the wonders of Himself, His love, His sacrifice, His creation, His Words, His forgiveness, His grace, His mercy, His provision, and His healing. He is wonderful and I am so thankful that I can communicate with him throughout each and every day. I know I am not alone, He is near to me. I can tell my God anything! I can rant and rave, which turns into surrender and worship. I am free to express my feelings and emotions without offending Him.
One of my favorite miracles that God blessed us with during this trial, was about four months into our crisis, we found out that our son would need to enter into a therapy that cost around $8,000. We live paycheck to paycheck (like everyone else) and I just couldn't figure out how we were going to pay it. I remember getting into the van and escaping to the store by myself. On my way I was feeling very oppressed. The financial burden was so great I felt it physically weighing me down. I cried out to God and said, “Take this, it is too big! You are going to have to provide for us.” I went to the store, and went into the post office to get the mail. As I sat in my van and started going through the mail, a small card slipped out and landed on my lap. I saw that it was from a fellow blogger who had seen my blog and was praying for our family. I opened the card and a $2,000 check slipped out. I read the card and it said, “A cattle on a thousand hills are His, please use this to help with your son’s counseling fees”. She and her husband had no idea that we even needed it. I just felt the Lord say, “See I got this, Stacie. I will take care of you.” It was the seed of faith that I needed to get me through that really tough time. Not long after that we found out that another source would pay for the other $6,000. Is God not amazing?
Almost a year and a half ago, the same son was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward for children because he was having a terrible time with suicidal and homicidal thoughts. We found out he had been misdiagnosed with ADD when he was actually dealing with a severe case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Although it was a terrifying time, God used it to show us what we were dealing with and get him on a medication that worked for him. The hospital stay ended up being over $23,000. I didn't worry this time. I even got a bill that said, we might have to pay thousands of dollars. I gave it to the Lord, knowing he would take care of us. I rejoiced when I got a statement that said all but $100 had been covered by insurance!
Because of our family’s experience, I have been able to comfort others with the comfort I have received. God has entrusted me with a new ministry that educates and equips Christian parents on how to protect their families from the dangers that come from living in a very technological world. Almost every day, God allows me to share my testimony with someone who is being bruised and battered by their family member’s choices. I have also been able to speak to several different groups outside of our community. Every time I get a chance to speak, I feel like there is purpose to my pain as I aggressively take back territory that the enemy tried to steal from me.
So here I am, exactly two years later, taking back ground and trusting in a mighty God who is redeeming and restoring my family. Daily His promises are being fulfilled in my life. He can do what He says He can do. His Word is alive and active in me and I AM believing God!