Thursday, July 11, 2013

How Quickly I Sink...

The only way I can describe how I've been feeling lately is through an entry in my journal.
 
7/10/13

Lord, help me to remember all I have learned.

"One day at a time."

"Easy Does it."

"I only have control over me."

"I am only responsible for my decisions."

"If God knows about it, then I don't have to worry about it."

I want to remember all You have done. I am so tired and worry, 'but You, O Lord, are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.'

Keep my eyes on the blessings. You are God and You are holy. You have our lives in Your hands. You have this, Lord.  You are watching my front and You are also watching my back. Strengthen my heart and help me in my weakness. Help me to not be afraid when disasters and inconveniences happen.

Help me to face my reality again. I am in a season of reconstruction of my family. It takes time.

Keep me away from self-pity. it only leads to discouragement and a lack of joy.

Your refuge and strength will always be mine. I pray for that today. Deliver me from my enemy who is too strong for me.

Psalm 77:19 says "Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were unseen. You led your people like a flock..."

God give me more faith. You are leading me through a raging sea, You are parting the way, one step at a time. I can't see You but your physical footprints are invisible, but the results can only be You. You continue to provide for us in amazing ways.

Lord, in Psalm 78:22, You were angry with Israel for not believing and trusting in Your deliverance. Help me to believe and trust You for ours.

Forgive me, Father, I had taken my eyes off of You and turned them upon my circumstances. Place my eyes back on the One who can deliver us. The One who always has our good in mind. The One who gives me VICTORY! Give me contentment and take away the struggle in my heart. Help me to not surrender to the circumstances, but to surrender to You.

How quickly I sink when I cease to trust You to work everything out for Your glory. I start feeling anxious, worried and I can't seem to stop crying. I felt like I was always on the verge of tears.. My spirit had moved from feeling strong to feeling so fragile that even small incidents sent me over the edge. I became angry, impatient, unkind, selfish and immature. The waves kept rolling over my head and I felt like I could barely catch my breath before another one hit.

I praise You, Father! I felt my self drowning and I didn't like it. I cried out to You, O God, first in my mind (while I was under the water) and then out loud when My heart finally bobbed up for a breath. You reached for me, longing for me to have the faith to walk on the water beside You. The second I started to trust You again, believing that You can do all things, I felt my body, spirit and mind being raised out of the deep waters. And if that was not enough,  Jesus, You let me feel the lightness of joy in my feet as I started to walk with You in the water that is ABOVE my circumstances.

My prayers is for You, O Lord, to help me stay there.

I love You and praise Your Holy Name. You are the Great Rescuer. Thank you...
I was reminded once again, just how quickly I can sink.

4 comments:

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

I can so identify with this. May we not be like the Israelites, forgetting what God had done for them. May we always remember just how far God has brought us and that He will not leave or forsake us! Hang in there my dear sister. I love you more than words can say.

Becky L. said...

praying for you, Stacie. Life pulls away from where our minds truly should be. I had a couple days this week where I felt grumpy and just had to work myself out of it, praying to Jesus for help. I was at work so I had to be nice to people. And my friend and I had just been studying agape and philo (love)...aw, a test. Remember Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust is the Lord with all you heart and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make straight your paths." RSV Love ya and have a good day!

RaD said...

I was having a pity party for myself on the way home yesterday. It lasted for several hours. Then I simply began with saying God, I choose joy. I choose love. I choose peace. I choose your will. I choose happiness. I choose faith. I choose YOU LORD! The situation didn't change, but my mindset sure did.

I may not be going through what your family is going through, but I certainly can relate to the fact that it is so easy to set our sights on our trials instead of our Savior.

najamonline4u said...

I would simply say that Fire stopping persons and firefighter's wives are so brave ladies that they face fear every day but still they are happy with their husbands job

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