Wednesday, November 28, 2012
It has been a few weeks of one disappointment after another. I have been working each of them through with the Lord. I have never lived in such a "crisis" mode before. I am praying things will let up and we can try to recover. God is up to something huge, I just don't know what it is! LOL!
Our house is still on the market. We thought we were going to move, but God stopped it. We are relieved because we know God is protecting us. We are trusting that God will provide a house that is large enough for our family in the small town we are wishing to move to. I have such peace in this. It's weird. Not like me at all. Normally, you would find me fretting and begging God to move and to move in the way I think we should go. Not so this time around. I'm choosing to trust.
It is a season of adversity. I am praying for enough grace to get through each day. That's all I need. There is enough. By some miracle each day, we get through it. There are too many things in the past five weeks to even begin to go into. I don't think it would bless you even if I did have time.
Josh's OCD has been improving and he was actually able to start middle school this week. I've always homeschooled him, so it is a huge adjustment. He likes being around kids and feeling more "normal". I have woken up early every morning starting to fret over him, and God has told me clearly to pray all those worries, fears and dread back to Him. I've never relied on God to protect my children. I did it fine myself, or so I thought. Now I am truly trusting Him as I believe He has called us to this new path. It would be so much easier for me to homeschool because I would have control again. We are not called to easy right now. We are called to obedience, even when it doesn't make sense in my brain. Four of my children are in public school and one is in middle school at home via virtual academy. We are doing the bus thing, the lice thing, the friend thing, the sick thing. And you know what, it hasn't actually been that bad. I found a lot of my fears were unfounded.
My new saying is by Oswald Chambers. It goes "For every minute we are waiting, God is working." When we continue to wait on God's promises, I must believe He is working something special out for His greater glory. If He says no right now, it is for a greater yes.
I have had a crisis point with God this last week on the topic of prayer. I have asked those questions that I know the answers to, "Does it do any good?", "Why pray if God is going to do what He wants?", "Is He testing me? Teasing me? Sifting me?" "What is going on God? Am I doing something wrong?" It all boils down to realizing that He hasn't forsaken me. He is sovereign, and He says no for a greater yes. I have stomped my foot at Him and even told Him that He hurt my feelings! I find myself thinking, He must be up there in Heaven smiling patiently waiting for my fit-throwing to stop and then He gently speaks to me and encourages me. I adjust my prayers according to His Will, not my own. I do that by surrendering my expectations of how He is going to get the greater glory. Yes, I'm even telling God how He can glorify Himself. Isn't that crazy? Adjust, wait, press in, wait and wait some more. Hold things loosely. Take my disappointments and fear to Him. He will come through in His way. He is working while we are waiting.