Saturday, October 20, 2012
Understanding the Struggle
I ran across this quote in the new Above Rubies magazine by Serene Allison. As I read her article, "A Haven of Rest", God spoke to my heart and peace and understanding started to flood my soul again.
Serene used the analogy of a cocoon. She said "Creatures of mere dust and "worm-like" understanding cannot grasp the reason for our cocoon. All we know is the dark struggle. But in this darkness our Creator is designing beautiful rainbow wings of flight. The pain and battle to push through this black curtain builds our strength. With the first light of blue sky the work is gone and now we are creatures of a high region. Rebuilt to fly. Designed to soar...above the dirt...to see life from a different perspective.
She goes on to say "science explains that if a butterfly is helped to escape its cocoon that it does not grow strong enough from its appointed struggle and will die and not take to the sky. God's love is always there even in our blind cocoons of sorrow."
Is this the purpose? To see life from a different perspective? I saw it the last two weeks. As our oldest son struggled with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, I have learned about a whole other set of parents who deal with mental health issues. I have started to educate myself on this subject. I have had to change my whole view of how I mothered my son. Am I exasperating his condition by putting my own fears upon this child? He is afraid of everything right now, most of them are irrational and don't make sense, but it is real to him. We cry out to God constantly for his healing and for him to get through another day. I was so afraid for my child. What kind of life will he have? Will these terrible thoughts ever go away? How do we get his brain "unstuck". I question. I fret. I am afraid. My trust starts to slip. Does God really know what He is doing?
As this dark cocoon of sorrow and fear wrapped me snug and tight, I started to wrestle. I knew God was sovereign I knew that He had allowed this in my son's life. I kept asking him, "haven't we gone through enough? When are we going to get a break here? When are we going to be allowed to heal? Why does it keep getting worse instead of better? When can we return to our new kind of normal???" I am thankful that my God has big shoulders and He isn't afraid of my questions. I know that if I question Him, He isn't going to be disgusted. He will listen patiently and continue to do His Will in my life. My questions won't change His mind or His plan. He listens and sets me back on the path of peace and hope when I surrender to Him and say, "Not my will, but Yours".
Just two weeks ago I wrote a love letter to my Heavenly Father, then I turned around and let Him write a love letter to me. I read it again yesterday and was astonished to read His Words to me.
I love you. I will provide. I will do as I promised. I am the Great Healer. I love your kids more than you do.Trust me with them. I will give you wisdom in every situation as I have always done. I am who I say I am. I will do what I say I can do. I will help you, heal you, lift you up, honor you, and help you walk boldly and confidently in the calling I have for you. I know your name. I see each tear. I have compassion for you. I am here. I am present. I love you, Stacie. I want to take away every fear that sets itself up as a stronghold in your life.
Love Your EVER-PRESENT God,
I now add another label to my blog. "Parenting an OCD Child". Maybe someone else needs to know they are not alone in this. Maybe someone else is seeing "life from a different perspective" and needs to be encouraged. God has not abandoned us. He is working through and through. He is developing a testimony that is full of drama, twists and turns. I will continue to trust Him....