We all know that women are emotional creatures. Compound that with hormones, lack of sleep, marriage problems, being cooped up with little people all day, and a general lack of socialization, you have yourself a recipe for disaster.
Emotions in themselves aren’t bad. I want to feel things deeply. Part of life is experiencing joy and pain. Take that away, and it would honestly be a pretty boring life. God gave us emotions for a reason. God gave us emotions to be managed and used for His glory. God created us in His image and He, Himself, is often described in Scripture as having emotions. Unfortunately, when we experience emotions, our hearts always have a mixture of impurity in them. Because God is holy, His expression of emotion is always righteous and pure. So the similarities between man and God end at his infinite character. The fact remains, however, that anger and other emotions are parts of the raw material in our being. Emotions add zest and passion to what might otherwise be a mundane existence. This doesn’t mean that the expression of angry emotions or their frequency or intensity in our daily lives is always appropriate. Because of our tendency to sin, we sometimes take God’s good gifts and misuse them. Instead of assuming that anger is evil, we must view it as a misused asset and learn how to utilize it according to its design.
I have shared before that I struggle with a few emotions. Anger and impatience seem to be my “thorn”. I know I will struggle with them the rest of my life and can now thank God for them because they cause me to be dependent upon Him every single day of my life. I used to think that I should never be angry. That all anger was sinful somehow. I was wrong. I have learned that anger and frustration can also motivate us to do the right thing.
The complexity of emotions requires that we learn how to manage them, not just react. Anger, just one of the emotions can be confusing. Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” Control is better than venting. Control allows us to use anger as a tool rather than a weapon. When we as parents and our children recognize the complexity of emotions and how to wisely choose which emotion to use in a particular situation, we will feel anger less intensely and less often.
Some emotions, such as fear or frustration, increase our energy level, were as other feelings, like sadness or hopelessness, decrease our energy. Both groups of emotions have God-ordained purposes. Feelings often motivate us to action or inaction. Anger is an emotion that increases energy. When we get angry several things happen inside our body all at the same time. Our heart rate, blood pressure, and rate of breathing increase. Blood sugar levels rise, our pupils dilate, and our muscles become tense. Our adrenal glands release adrenaline, and our awareness intensifies. All of these reactions are designed by God to prepare us to fight an actual physical threat or run from it. We may not be faced with imminent danger, but a physical response occurs in our body when our children threaten our peace. When we are angry, we’re more motivated to solve problems, confront offenders or make a change in our lives. Most of us can control the physical responses of anger, but we still struggle with our mouths.
It is a life-style of anger that Scripture condemns, not anger itself. Some people become addicted to that extra energy that anger provides. They thrive on it. It wakes them up in the morning and carries them through the day. I’ve been there and done that and it is NOT fun. You can only exist like that so long without feeling like you are losing your ever-loving mind.
Remember anger is usually caused by these five things:
Understanding the five causes of anger can help you relate to your family. Each time you feel angry, stop for a minute and try to identify which of these is the cause.
I found this to be solid and biblical advice. I am trying to practice this daily and I am slowly seeing some old habits being broken.
From One Mom to Another,
*These concepts are taken from the book "Good and Angry" by Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller.