God is doing something new in my life. At first I was scared, but now I'm starting to get excited.
When I was pregnant with my first daughter 9 years ago, I was with a group of ladies at a good bye party for a dear friend. We started praying and a woman I had never met before asked me if she could pray for me. She felt like God had given her a word for me and asked if I wanted to hear it. Are you insane! Of course, I want to hear it! This lady prophesied five different things over me. Some were almost immediately fulfilled, while others were to be fulfilled in the future. The one that stuck out the most for me was "You are being trained for something". Hmmmm, I have always thought that my ministry would be to wives and mothers. To encourage them in the Lord. I have written over a hundred devotions, been published in newsletters and small magazines, and I have this blog. I thought I had my ministry. Now I know that for nine 9 years, God has been training me for such a time as this. I never in my life dreamed I would be going through a trial like this. I never thought that pornography would tear our family apart. I never knew I would be a parent warning others about this destructive addiction.
One night about a month ago, I was half dreaming and half awake when this sermon started forming in my mind. It went on and on and on. After I really woke up, I realized that God had given me a vision for my future. He confirmed during my prayer time that I will be speaking publicly about our family's testimony. At this time, I was still so scared, ashamed and wanting to protect my children from embarrassment that I didn't want to share our story. I know God wants us to be honest about where we are and what has happened to us. He can't be glorified if we keep it all a secret and more importantly, Satan uses secrets against us.
There is a relief and peace that comes in knowing that I can now say (carefully) what has happened to us. There is hope in knowing that God can use our family's testimony to warn parents so that they will not have to experience the pain we have gone through.
When I realized what God was asking me, I started to panic. I asked all kinds of questions to God. I was wondering how I was going to raise a family, be a good wife and mother to my other five children and yet have a public ministry. God has asked me if I will trust Him with this. I told Him I would tell this one on one, to MOPS groups, to homeschool groups, or even to Dobson if that is what He asked me to do. Where He leads I will follow. I do know one thing, a ministry has been born.
Almost everyday, I have the privilege of God putting someone in my path whose lives have been affected by pornography. Others ask me all the time, "How can I protect my children?". My favorites are your stories that either tell me in person or email me privately. I am amazed at how widespread this problem is. Some of you have been hiding it for years and years. The shame that is involved in these secret is unparalled. If we don't start talking openly about this stuff, then it will continue. More importantly, people will not heal.
I also have a real heart for homeschoolers in this area. I think we need to be careful about thinking our kids are in a bubble and that they are untouchable when it comes to this. It just ain't so.
Will you kneel and pray for me? I know the enemy does not want this message to get out. I know that I will no doubt come up against some intense spiritual warfare. "Greater is He that is in you, than he that is in this world."
I am grateful that my son is not trying to hide what he did. He is begging me to warn anyone who has ears to hear. This will be our legacy, our ministry. It was nothing that I ever wanted or could have predicted, but I know that God has put me on earth to fulfill His purposes. Am I willing? You bet! Will it be easy? No way! Nothing worthwhile ever is.
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