Since experiencing this difficult trial, I have thought to myself many times, "am I be punished or am I being tested?"
Here is what I wrote in my journal a few days ago.
Lord, you know that I am in a place that I have no desire to be in. the pain is great. This is not a punitive punishment, not a disciplinary action towards me. It is a test of faith. A test of endurance. A test of trust. A test of belief.
I am discovering who I truly am. Do I just talk the talk or do I actually walk the walk? I have experienced a crisis of belief as I questioned your goodness and your ways. I have come to the conclusion that you are good, just as your Word tells us. You are loving and you allow trials to test us and to refine us. You are cutting off the dead branches and ruthlessly pruning back thebranches that are fruit-bearing so that they can bear even more fruit. Ripe, big, delicious fruit.
Oswald Chambers says, "Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time."
Another entry from my journal...
I am learning that I will be much more effective at ministering to others now that I have experienced a REAL trial. I will be much more sensitive, stop saying stupid things, like "Oh, just trust in the Lord", or "All things work together for the good of those who love Him." There is a time and a place to say those things, but when someone is in the ditch, it's like you are just throwing more dirt on them. Instead I will hopefully say, "I'm sorry you are going through this. I love you. What can I do for you?" I will listen. I will let them work it through, even if their theology is a bit off because of the pain. I will walk with them through their dark valley.
Several of you have emailed me privately thinking that my husband has left me. I can assure you, that is not the case. We are very much together. I do not want to be mysterious, but due to the nature of this trial, I have to protect those that I love. I'm a mom and that's what I do. The Lord has seen fit to allow Satan to sift me like wheat. What did the enemy go for? Who is my ministry to? Mothers. Now because of this, I will be able to minister to mothers on a whole different level. Hurting mamas. Mamas who blame themselves for their children's mistakes. Mama's who have done everything they can to raise their children in the admonition of the Lord and still discover that they have free will. Mama's who learn that God sometimes says "No", for the greater good of their child.
I love all of you. Your comments lighten a very heavy heart. You are brightening my day, knowing that you are praying for us.
"Show me your way , oh Lord, teach me Your paths; guide me in Your truth and teach me for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long." -Psalm 25:4-5 My Mission for this BLOG is to bring glory to God as I share what He is teaching me as I raise my children for Him. I want to encourage mothers all around the world to hang in there! Motherhood is tough, challenging and gritty. But through Christ's strength and the support of other moms who are in the trenches, I will keep pressing towards the goal to raise Godly children. Please feel free to leave comments. It blesses me so much! You can also email me at email@example.com
I am a Stay-At-Home mother of six children. We LOVE having a large family. My first love, is Christ and the Words of the Bible. My passion is to teach my children about the Lord. I love to watch my children discover their own faith in God. My husband has been a firefighter for over 20 years and is now an officer. I am very proud of him. I long to be a Titus 2 woman who encourages other women to love their husbands and children and to thrive in their homes, not just survive.
The noblest calling in the world is that of a mother. True motherhood is the most beautiful of all arts, the greatest of all professions. She who can paint a masterpiece or who can write a book that will influence millions deserves the plaudits and admiration of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters whose immortal souls will be exerting an influence throughout the ages long after paintings shall have faded, and books and statues shall have been destroyed, deserves the highest honor that man can give. -David O. McKay Motherhood is the one thing in all the world which most truly exemplifies the God-given virtues of creating and sacrficing. Though it carries the woman close to the brink of death, motherhood also leads her into the very realm of the fountians of life and makes her co-partner with the Creator in bestowing upon eternal spirits mortal life. -David O McKay We can't form our children on our own concepts; we must take them and love them as God gives them to us. -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord; and the fruit of the womb is his reward. -Psalm 127:3 The mother's heart is the child's schoolroom -Henry Ward Beecher The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children. -Elaine Heffner People who say they sleep like babies usually don't have them. -Leo J. Burke
To be a mother is a woman's greatest vocation in life. She is a partner with God. No being has a position of such power and influence. She holds in her hands the destiny of nations, for to her comes the responsibility and opportunity of molding the nation's citizens. -Spencer W. Kimball