Monday, April 2, 2012
Test or Punishment?
Here is what I wrote in my journal a few days ago.
Lord, you know that I am in a place that I have no desire to be in. the pain is great. This is not a punitive punishment, not a disciplinary action towards me. It is a test of faith. A test of endurance. A test of trust. A test of belief.
Oswald Chambers says, "Faith is deliberate confidence in the character of God whose ways you may not understand at the time."
Another entry from my journal...
I am learning that I will be much more effective at ministering to others now that I have experienced a REAL trial. I will be much more sensitive, stop saying stupid things, like "Oh, just trust in the Lord", or "All things work together for the good of those who love Him." There is a time and a place to say those things, but when someone is in the ditch, it's like you are just throwing more dirt on them. Instead I will hopefully say, "I'm sorry you are going through this. I love you. What can I do for you?" I will listen. I will let them work it through, even if their theology is a bit off because of the pain. I will walk with them through their dark valley.
Several of you have emailed me privately thinking that my husband has left me. I can assure you, that is not the case. We are very much together. I do not want to be mysterious, but due to the nature of this trial, I have to protect those that I love. I'm a mom and that's what I do. The Lord has seen fit to allow Satan to sift me like wheat. What did the enemy go for? Who is my ministry to? Mothers. Now because of this, I will be able to minister to mothers on a whole different level. Hurting mamas. Mamas who blame themselves for their children's mistakes. Mama's who have done everything they can to raise their children in the admonition of the Lord and still discover that they have free will. Mama's who learn that God sometimes says "No", for the greater good of their child.
I love all of you. Your comments lighten a very heavy heart. You are brightening my day, knowing that you are praying for us.