The world is brown all around us. It represents the despair, hopelessness and helplessness we have felt for the past two months. It represents a winter season we will never forget.
Yet everyday, God reminds me that "His mercies are new every morning and great is His faithfulness."
As I learn to breathe Him in and breathe Him out, I feel a spiritual awakening that only comes with complete dependency upon Jesus. I am learning that He is "doing a new thing".
The Bible reminds me of these colors. It seems brighter, the words more beautiful that I could have possibly imagined. Even though the pain isn't going away, I can see a purpose in it. I can see possibilities of how God can use our pain for His glory. It gives me HOPE.
It makes me appreciate these moments. Holding my children tighter. Making sure that I am spending quality time with them, reading, jumping on the trampoline, cooking, talking, and speaking spiritual truths into their lives. I have to be so careful that my pain doesn't find me wanting to hide out in my room, escaping in a movie or a book. I need to stay engaged and not try to numb the pain that I can't seem to get away from.
I am struggling with patience with the little things like squabbling and fighting. These things make me so angry when it already feels like my head is barely above the water emotionally. Kids are going to fight, husbands and wives are going to have misunderstandings, life is going to happen all around me and it will not be a respecter of my pain. Sometimes I find myself in a state of extreme self-pity telling myself that I did nothing to deserve this. It doesn't matter. My dad always said, "Whoever said life was fair was lying to you." So true. It isn't fair. It wasn't fair to Jesus, it isn't going to be fair to me. Now what am I going to do about that?
I am going to go on, and look for those "signs of hope". I am entering spring with fervent expectation of what God is going to do. I am counting on the Resurrection Power of Jesus to do amazing things and create in us clean and new hearts.