Tuesday, October 4, 2011

When Your Husband Reproofs You

When a reproof is done privately with gentleness and with the motive of restoring the other person, then the reproof is loving. When a person won't reprove their partner, they are, most likely, more concerned about "What effect is this going to have on me?" rather than being concerned about helping their partner. This kind of reaction is selfish and unloving. If they love God and their partner, they will, in a righteous way, biblically reprove each other in love.

How you respond to your husband's reproof is a reflection of your desire to become more godly. Begin with considering his reproof to be, at the least, possibly valid. Next, consider the following right ways to respond to reproof.

The Right Way to Respond to Reproof...

1. Take the time to think about what you have been told.

The heart of the righteous ponder how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things. -Proverbs 15:28

2. Search the Scriptures to determine what the sin is and how to "put it off."

...lay aside the old self, which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that you be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self...-Ephesians 4:22-24

3. Ask your husband husband to give specific examples of how you could have better responded to his reproof.

4. Confess your sin.

5. Show the fruit of repentance. Stop doing the sin and start doing the right thing.

6. Do not justify or defend yourself.

If you know that your husband's reproof is valid or even partially valid then heed his advice and change your sinful way.

Listen and learn from the reproof. Think, "What is God trying to teach?" Learn to see each other's reproofs from God's perspective and be grateful that your husband is telling his complaint instead of clamming up and becoming embittered because of your sin.

Taken from the "Excellent Wife" by Martha Pierce.

As I read this passage, I was so convicted. I couldn't believe that she was challenging me to actually be GRATEFUL for my husband for getting after me. I am always defensive, thinking that his sins are so much worse than mine. I have a very bad habit of disregarding anything he has to say to me if he does not do it gently or humbling.

After reading this section, I had the opportunity to put this into practice. My husband was upset at me for something and instead of getting defensive, I actually stopped, took a deep breath and listened (can you hear the angels singing?). I thought through what he was saying and examined it to see if there was any truth to it. I found that there was. I stopped thinking about all the things that he wasn't doing right and stopped to worry about me. I apologized and told him that now that I am aware of the problem, I will try not to do it. We even came up with some strategies for change. Because I was open to change, I was able to say some hard stuff to him. We both grew that day!

Next will be "Guidelines for Reproving Your Husband". So stay tuned!


JuRita said...

Oh my goodness. I had a moment the other day and I DO get so defensive when he corrects me... esp, with a displeasing look. Thanks for sharing.... May I be slow to speak, because I was not kind in my response either. Better next time.

Fire Wife said...

Ugh. I struggled with this recently. My husband was reproving me, but the way he delivered it (combined with my own baggage, I'm sure), it sounded like an all out attack & insult to me. So obviously I got incredibly defensive. Not the best moment... for either of us.

Wanting What I Have said...

SUCH God honoring encouragement! I needed to hear this. Oh, I STRUGGLE with this so much! And I easily justify myself (sinfully) and tell myself my sins are smaller than his. I am so prideful. Thank you for pointing me to the cross!

Camille said...

Thank you for sharing what you are learning Stacie. It is a blessing to hear your heart through your encouragement. How easy it is to become defensive...may the LORD help us all to stop and consider what we are being corrected on. I appreciate you! :)


Anonymous said...

I actually have this book, but it's been awhile since I have read it.

These thoughts are good reminders for all of us as wives. I know that sometimes, I "turn-up my nose" when my husband "reproves" me, but this should not be the case. I will try to think about my actions the next time my husband reproves me.

Catherine said...

I have the book now and will begin reading it today! I've actually been doing this kind of thing of late, and it works for me too, Stacie. God is SO good to us!!!

Jill said...

This is a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing this...you always get me thinking....


Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

Thank you for your example in this. Michael and I have made some headway in this area lately, too. Excellent post!

Veronica @ Luv My Quiver Full Of Arrows said...

I absolutely, love, love, love The Excellent Wife. I have read it several times and every time I learn something new and gain more perspective into what God intends for me as a wife.

Thanks for posting this.

Veronica @ Luv My Quiver Full Of Arrows said...

I absolutely, love, love, love The Excellent Wife. I have read it several times and every time I learn something new and gain more perspective into what God intends for me as a wife.

Thanks for posting this.

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