Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Is Marriage About Me?

I ask myself this question, "Is Marriage about me?". Well, according to the Bible it actually is. Marriage is about me changing ME, not my husband. If I allow God to sanctify me through and through using what feels to be "God's Holy Battering Ram", I will change. I will become the woman God wants me to be as I continue to learn to give up my own wants and needs.

It's so against what the world says marriage should be...

A perfect husband who comes home with flowers in his hands after a fight.

A man who says sorry when he knows he's wrong.

A man who strives to be romantic and affectionate and loves to take walks instead of watching TV in his Lazy Boy.

Ladies, this is NOT the norm. If you have one of these kind of guys, I congratulate you! You are truly blessed.

The other 95 percent of us have to work hard to keep any spark of romance alive as we wade through the messiness of life.

"We think marriage is the place where we are promised happiness and love, not the place where we learn to love each other and face the ugliest parts about ourselves....If you don't change your view of marriage, you will eventually conclude that your marriage is flawed, that it is wrong. You will begin to think thoughts like: I must have married too young; I probably married the wrong person; Maybe this marriage was never meant to be."-Mark Gungor

I spent my first seven years of marriage asking these questions. I was so unhappy because I had a completely distorted view of what marriage looked like. I had been addicted to trashy romance novels while I was a teenager. Oh, the lies that the enemy put in my head!

"Dare to believe marriage is good, that the one you are in is good. Dare to ask God to help you treasure it, appreciate it, and stay committed to it, even though there are times you feel a little shaken-up and with your needs going unmet."-Mark Gungor in "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage".
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Leslie said...

Thank you so much for this post. Marriage is often times the biggest struggle I have in life. Being a mom comes so naturally to me, but being a wife? Not so much. I really needed this encouragement and reminder today.

Amy said...


You have said it all in this post. My hubby and I are very happily married for 13 years. It hasn't always been easy. It doesn't end the day you get married. It only begins.

He loves me for who I am and I love him for who he is. I have been given such a wonderful gift. We keep talking and walking together.

God Bless and have a wonderful day.

Love ya

Wanting What I Have said...

AMEN. AMEN. AMEN!!! You go girl! You are SO RIGHT ON and you SAID IT SO WELL! I am going to share this with a few of my friends. Love you for being honest!

CB said...

WORD! This is a word much needed today! The wealth of love in my own marriage was cultivated through much grace, much forgiveness, much suffering, much revelation! Two very imperfect people that love the way Christ loves! Intimacy grows when we can confess our sins to one another & love the way God loves US! We don't seek to change the other, we seek to love. My hubby's faults are not my job to point or try to fix, I will love him & serve Him, and God can do all the hard stuff.

Anonymous said...

Well said - I think is something we need to be remembered of from time to time. By the way, that is a great photo of you and your hubby.

Mich said...

Time. Even those small little moments are hard to come by in our busy worlds. We have to make them happen.

Cute pictures.

RaD said...

Oh this one was good, I'm passing it on!

And no, I don't have a perfect marriage, but my husband and I both work hard to put the other first. Too bad we mess that up so much of the time. Thankfully God has shown us a lot about forgiveness and grace.

Anonymous said...

Convicting post as usual... What is your take on "Christian romance" novels; Like the "Love Comes..." series or the Amish themed novels? We have several series in our church library, I've questioned their place, as those also are a bit dreamy.

Chris in FL--Joyful Mother said...

Love that picture of you guys. I totally agree with you.

I would say my marriage is for the most part pretty good. My husband is the one who usually does say he's wrong even when I know I should had not reacted in the way I did. And he would go for a walk instead of watching football. I know...I am must say I am so very blessed to have him.

God is teaching much about marriage lately. I feel like at times I look to pick a fight with my husband. If he says something I don't agree with....I tend to blow up. Not good...I know. :( I am so glad that the Lord is exposing that nasty part about me. I never knew I had this problem until recently.

Great post and thanks for sharing.

Stacie, A Firefighter's Wife said...

Kimberly, I think they are really light reading, but I certianly wouldn't condemn anyone for reading them. It was a nice alternative for me when I was trying to get out of reading the trashy novels. If I were going to recommend meaty Christian fiction, I would recommend anything written by Francine Rivers. She is a great story teller, who almost makes it a form of worship when she writes. She brings God's truth into every novel she writes.

Sometimes when we are baby Christians we have to drink the milk before we even know or crave spiritual meat.

Sarah said...

Oooooh, this was good Stacie!

I too spent the first three years of our marriage thinking I needed to 'fix' it! But after coming to know Christ all my worries and doubts were gone! In allowing Him to change and mold me...my 'issues' with my marriage simply vanished! Praise the Lord he is so good!!

I love my Hubby!

Catherine said...

I'm glad to be in a new place today with my marriage. God asked me recently, after I'd prayed for 17 years for a godly husband, "Do you think I'd give you a tainted gift, a poisonous one?" That really brought me up short and made me realize I was not honoring God and His gift to me. It's been better ever since!

melaniek said...

Very well said. Hubby and I try to fight the "norm" everyday and I think we have a better marriage for it!

His bondservant said...

Great post Stacie. I have learned to remember that my husband is not married to the "ideal" woman either! That helps me to keep things in perspective too!

In Christ,

Leah said...

We just started a new small group study last night dealing with this exact same subject. The idea that marriage is to make us holy not happy (although happiness will come out of it)! Coincidence?? Great post!

caz1975 said...

Such true words!!! I have read some of your writing in Above Rubies magazine as well and found it very helpful :-)

Muthering Heights said...

Great points! :)

OurLilFullFam said...

I really like the picture Stacie!

How true your words are, I think the fairy tale movies have a lot to do with our expectations of a husband. We look at that instead of scripture to see what a marriage relationship should look like.


Camille said...

What a wonderful post Stacie! May the LORD continue to bless you with wisdom and insight that you might bring glory to HIM in proclaiming the truth!

Have a lovely weekend my friend!


Sarah Slaven said...

I love reading your thoughts. We need more people talking about real honest marriages not the fairytale versions that we can never replicate.

Plain and Joyful Living said...

Thank you so much for writing this. My husband and I have been experiencing a bit of turmoil in our own relationship and I finally did realize it is not about him - it is about me putting it in the Lord's hands and concentrating on me being loving and kind.
Warm wishes,

kathy said...

It's always good to be reminded that I am married to a real man not a made up one! We both certainly have our faults but the only one God wants me to fix is me! This is a hard reminder as usually the only one I want to fix is him! Thanks again for such a great post. I am attempting the love dare for the second time and am not doing too well I'm afraid :(

Jasmine said...

This is such a true post. Marriage is about changing me not my husband rang so true for me.

I've become a happier person since I learned this principle.

Thanks so much. xox

Cookie said...

Hi Stacie! I'm a new follower. Saw you at the linky from Mrs. June's place. :) This post is such a blessing. Thanks for sharing it. I will remind myself of this truth ALWAYS... :)

Amy said...

Such a good reminder! I know the world tells us that a "good" relationship should look a certain way. However, God has taught me over time that if I focus more on how I love and serve my husband, his focus in the marriage tends to shift, too.

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