Saturday, October 2, 2010
He Does What It Takes
Some of you may know that I have been struggling for the past four or five months with a very hoarse voice. It has been quite painful and it makes me sound like I have a frog in my throat all the time. I was just diagnosed with nodules on my vocal cords, which is a fancy way of saying I have “calluses on my vocal cords.”
It has interfered with my life in many ways. I can’t sing, I can’t read very many stories out loud to my children and I struggle lecturing the children when I’m homeschooling. The thing that does keep me encouraged is the fact that I know God does not waste pain. This has become very evident with a few things He has been teaching me.
The first thing I learned is that even though I knew I had come a long ways in the area of not raising my voice at my children, I still wasn’t doing good enough. It was as if God was saying, “No more! You are in a bad habit and if you can’t break it, I love you enough to help you break it for good.” So, He took away my voice. I literally cannot raise my voice in the slightest without wincing in pain. This has forced me to stop being lazy and go find my children instead of testing to see if they are within yelling distance!
When I’m angry, I need to stand or kneel in front of them, take their face in my hands and lower my voice on purpose so as not to strain my voice. I am actually thanking God for this habit-breaking affliction!
The second thing that has been affected by this malady is my worship. I am learning for the first time how to worship the Lord without singing. Singing praises to God has always been my prevalent form of worship. Instead I find myself entering into a whole new place in my worship. I am reminded of the song lyrics, “When the music fades and all is stripped away, and I simply come.” Without the distraction of whether or not I am hitting the right notes, I am forced to completely and utterly focus on the words. I can truly come into a place where I am worshipping Him in Spirit and in Truth. It has been an incredible experience. I can literally feel the Spirit of God wash over me as I silently, but intentionally worship before Him. I pray that when I do get my voice back, I will be able to mesh all of this together.
The third lesson I’m learning is to choose my words wisely. I need to “let my words be few”. I am continuing to refine my speech patterns by being “slow to speak, quick to listen and slow to become angry.” Not an easy task!
The only way these will go away is by changing my vocal patterns and to not yell (ever). I will relearn how to speak and sing in a way that will not strain my voice.
I challenge you to do a self-inspection. What bad behaviors or habits have you just not been able to fully change? Jim Cymbale writes, “God is attracted to weakness. He can’t resist those who humbly and honestly admit how desperately they need Him.”
Are you willing for Him to do what it takes?
From One Mom to Another,