Thursday, August 5, 2010

Limit Peer Time

When I read the heading "Limit Peer Time" in the book, "Raising One Million Arrows", by Julie Ferwerda, my interest was piqued. Hmmm, I wonder what she has to say about this. Well, it turned out that I really liked what she said. It was very balanced and I am all about balance.

She says, "Proverbs 22:15 describes children as being foolish, and Proverbs 13:20 says, "Whoever walks with the wise will become wise; whoever walks with fools will suffer harm."

From this you can derive that kids who spend too much time with age mates (outside of siblings), in effect, are walking with fools.

Julie continues, "In order for children to become wise, they need to spend ample time with more mature and wiser people whom they can imitate in all the important areas of their lives-spiritual growth, communication, self-discipline, relationships, and personal development."

For those of us who have been called to homeschool, this just makes perfect sense! I love that my children can carry on adult conversations with anybody of any age. The reason? They have learned the art of conversing with adults because they are around them more than they are around their peers.

Now if you don't have the option of homeschooling, let me give you some hope. Make sure they are learning how to converse with adults. I am amazed at the lack of conversation skills that some teens have. They have no clue how to make people feel at ease by asking certain questions that seem obvious, like "How are you doing? What do you do for a living? Is there anything I can help you with?" ...That type of thing. Perhaps you can visit some shut-ins and teach your children how to love and value elderly people by conversing with them. Just asking them about their loved ones and truly listening is huge to our older generation. It makes them feel like someone truly cares about them. If this is not an option, pray and ask God how you can surround your children with more mature mentors in the Lord.

(I am not saying here that your children should never hang around with people their own age. I love the rich friendships that my children have built through Sunday school, youth groups and Church Camp. It is a blessing to watch them choosing their friends wisely. They do not, however, spend more time with these friends than they do their parents, grandparents and other mentors.)


Wanting What I Have said...

Very well said. I agree completely.

Kimberly said...

I'm the librarian for our church, this book seems like if would be a great addition to add to the church library.

The friends thing- I can't even begin to tell you how naive we were with our oldest, especially in the area of same-age-peers. And I can't even count the number of problems, those peers caused. So many tears, so many "so-and-so get's to ______". The main reason for the trouble, was that we had started her out in {private Christian} school- We don't have those issues with the 4 youngers, that have never been in that setting. The peers quickly teach each other that parents are the enemy and should be avoided at all costs.

Catherine said...

Great! I'm going to order this book right now.

Camille said...

What a wonderful post Stacie! Thanks for sharing what you have been gleaning from this book! :)


Nama said...

AMEN!!! Excellent word & exactly what we embrace as a family. We decided a long time ago that our children would not do overnighters unless there was a really important reason for it. We also made the rule that they would visit friends as a family & their friends would visit us with their families, unless there is a childcare arrangement for a specific reason. It has served us well in keeping our family as top priority in their lives and as their main social influence. We plan lots of fun and exciting social activites, so they are not lacking at all, but we don't just cut them loose with their friends on a regular basis either.We did things differently with our oldest kids and peer pressure caused many problems and heart ache. Our younger five are well adjusted, happy, mature, great conversationalists with priorities in tact & we pray this will continue to be the case over the years to come. Thanks so much for sharing such a great, insightful post!

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

This is fantastic! Very good point.

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