Wednesday, February 24, 2010
My Personal Battle
Lately, I have felt like I have been in a battle. It hasn't been a physical battle (although it feels like that at times), it has been more spiritual. I feel like the enemy is attacking me on all fronts as I make it my heart's cry to go deeper with God. My Bible study "Conversation Peace: The Power of Transformed Speech" has been intense to say the least. I have so much to work on. God is showing me my wrong attitudes, wrong actions and the sin of unforgiveness that I have let grow in my life. It has resulted in mental anguish and bitterness.
My new battle cry is this, "Make me a tender-hearted wife, mother, daughter and friend! Let me love as You love, God. Let me forgive as You forgive! Let me not harbor ill-feelings towards anyone. Let me be a grace-filled Christian. Help me stop withholding forgiveness and harboring resentment, assuming I know what is in people's hearts."
I am ashamed. I confess to all of you that I have not been practicing what I preach. I write devotions for women, encouraging them to live godly lives, and yet I have fallen in so many ways. I have become distracted by this machine that I am now typing on. God has convicted me once again about my time on here. I am praying about it, asking Him to help me find balance.
My problem is that I enjoy hearing from you, and I love commenting and encouraging others, but I am neglecting my family to do so. I am thinking about scheduling my blog time in when my children are sleeping.
I have found myself going from day to day aimlessly. I am not living as intentionally as I should be. I have stopped making menus, reading less to my children, and have been doing the bare minimum when it comes to homeschooling.
Enough! My first priority is my ministry to my family. All else falls after that. I need to stop worrying that if I don't post every other day people will stop following. If this thing is going to grow, it's because of Him. If it is doesn't grow, then so be it! I leave it up to Him, since it was His blog in the first place. I felt Him put blogging on my heart almost two years ago. It has been a wonderful experience. I love all of you ladies and pray for you continually.
Will you pray for me? Will you pray that God will show me what to do and how to find more balance in my life? I don't want to look back and have regrets. My time with my children is so very short. The computer and blogging will always be there. My children won't.
I love you all to pieces and thank you in advance for your prayers for me.