Saturday, November 14, 2009

My Heart


"Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks."- Matthew 12:34

My heart has been nasty today. It has been irritable, which has resulted in a cranky attitude towards my children. My heart has been selfish today. My life was "squeezed" today. I was like a lemon and poured out a sour response. I want to be more like a peach, when the pressure is on, I will remain sweet.

When I am stressed and my energy is drained I don't do well. I'm on edge, and patience virtually doesn't exist.

Lord, help me with this! I want to be led by Your Spirit in everything, yet, "I do what I knwo I shouldn't do", just like Paul says.

I want love to enter my heart! Yes, that is it! I cry to God for LOOOOVE! I want to be able to love the way He loves me. I want to love those that hurt me, wrongfully use me, irritate me, perhaps even hate me. I want God's LOVE to pour out of me! Would there be room for selfishness then? Would I respond to my husband and children with patience and encouragement rather than anger and exasperation?

Oh, let it be, Dear Lord, let it be!

I will choose to serve God by loving those around me. Yes, it is a choice. But even when it's a choice, I can't do that on my own. I have to have God's Spirit leading me and guiding me, perhaps even providing comfort when I've been hurt and nothing in me wants to love, but instead to lash out.

Instead of meditating on the negative, I want to think about the positive. I want to think about all of the things that I appreciate about my family. I will become a more grateful person and perhaps a more loving person.

As the book "Love Dare" puts it, "You must develop the habit of reigning in your negative thoughts and focusing on the positive attributes of your mate. This is a crucial step as you learn to lead your heart to truly love your spouse. It is a decision that you make, whether they deserve it or not." Hmmm, read that line again, "Whether they deserve it or not." That tells me that it's for me, not them.

I'm the one who misses the blessing and the joy when it comes right down to it. I'm in control of my thoughts. I can assume things till the cows come home, but do I really know what people meant when they said, "such and such"?

I hope this post makes sense. God is working on me and I just felt like sharing a bit of that journey with you. Life can be confusing, but God gives me so much hope for the future. I am a work in progress and I thank God that He isn't done with me yet.

Hopefully, someone can relate...

14 comments:

Camille said...

Stacie ~ It makes perfect sense...the Lord is doing a wonderful work of grace in you! It is when we don't acknowlege our sin that we are in trouble...because we ALL have sin to deal with. One step at a time WITH the Lord...He will give you all you need!

Blessings,
Camille

Jessica said...

It makes sense, He's using you to share the perfect words at the perfect time with other imperfect people. Thank you for letting Him use you! Tomorrow is a new day, may it be a beautiful one for you and your loved ones!

Parsley said...

On these hard days, let Him carry you. Rest in His peace.

We all go though these days. It makes us stronger and wiser.

Praying for you.

Jen@Scrapingirl said...

We have all felt that way from time to time. Typing it out tends to turn it around a bit. I hope today is better for you. Enjoy your sabbath!!

Cheesemakin' Mamma said...

I'm so with you, Sis! Thank you for your honest, heart-searching, convicting post. I love you and I'm praying for you this day.

...they call me mommy... said...

I can SOOOOOO relate!!!! AMEN, sister!

(((HUGS)))

Amy

christy rose said...

Stacie,
I have an award for you! Please stop by and pick it up when you get a chance.
Christy

Toni Floyd said...

It's a daily battle and we're in the thick of it. There's nothing that Satan would like more than to see us fall flat on our faces but we won't let him! God is control! Love ya, Toni.

Rachel and Family said...

thanks for sharing

Connie said...

Excellent.

Kimberly said...

Your post makes sense to me, I'm a thinker, I like to stand back and observe a situation or take a minute to absorb it before I respond; unfortunately life is not that way, so many times then I've found myself, becoming short with folks around me. Once I heard that we all have a basic nature, and that in time of stress, we'll revert to that nature...Great post.

Jenn @ A Country Girl's Ramblings said...

Oh I know to well what you are talking about. I had some of the very same feelings last week. Keep seeking Him. He will guide you and give you strength.

wife.mom.nurse said...

Stacie,

I can truly relate. When I am "squeezed" my family is more likely to have to make lemonade, than sweet peach tea.

Beautifully written.

~Julie

Raisingarrows said...

Stacie,
I'm with you. I've been, I don't know...cranky lately. I can't put my finger on why exactly either. Thank you for the reminder that this is something I need to give over to the Lord and let Him work through me.
Blessings,
Amy

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