Sunday, August 24, 2008

My Heart is Tender Today

Before I went to church I asked God to prepare my heart and touch me in a special way today. I wasn't prepared for the overflow of emotions I experienced during the service. Actually, it started when I was in the Women's Care Group. Beth Moore was talking about how we are God's "Lampstands" on earth. I never really considered myself God's special lampstand. I know we are His Dwelling place on earth, but it is hard to imagine sometimes why He would want to claim my body as a temple. It was truly humbling and I felt like I was hit afresh with that knowledge.

When we went into the service, I truly was touched by the songs. "Nothing But the Blood of Jesus" almost brought me to my knees as the picture of Jesus nailed on a cross with blood flowing from his wounds crossed my mind. It is so easy to sing about the "blood" but not truly picture what that was like for our Savior. Then "Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing" practically had me sobbing. "Prone to wander Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love." The words were so moving. I know that I am prone to wander, my intentions are good, but yet, I am drawn away the Lord by the world in so many subtle ways. I want to keep my eyes fixed on my Redeemer.

Poor Steve was beside me wondering what in the world was wrong with me.

Pastor Doug took us to John 17. He taught us about being "in the world, not of it". He told us we do not have to fear, Jesus has already prayed for our safety. Very good reminders. I thought of Steve. How difficult it must be to go into a worldly environment and to not soak it up. He must take a stand for his faith everyday, just by not using vulgarities and having integrity in his dealings with people. I am in a "bubble" sort of. It's just where I am at right now. But now that soccer has started, I do get to experience more of the world. Parents and children that are not Christians interacting and sometimes hurting my children and I with their comments or actions. I need to keep teaching my children that they cannot expect Non-Believers to act like Believers.

The end of the 30-Day challenge has come and I am hit afresh at just how vulnerable I am to the enemy's attacks. I have had many victories these past 30 days. I have also fallen flat on my face. I know that in order to maintain these habits that I need to be living in the Spirit, reminded that I do not want the lifestyle that I had before this challenge. I never want to go back. I want to keep moving forward.

At the end of the service, Pastor Doug asked us to come forward if we wanted to commit our lives to Christ's service and His plan. Of course the Spirit spoke and told me to go forward. It isn't very often that I get to kneel in a service. It is very humbling to be able to do that for God. In tears again, I committed myself to obeying God in whatever He asks me to do. I want so much to please Him. I am so grateful for the pit He has rescued me from. Grateful that He chose ME to be His child. Grateful to have direct access to my God! To be His friend and His daughter.

I peeked behind me and Steve didn't leave the auditorium, he stayed in his seat and I'm sure committed himself to Christ's service once again. I respect him so much for that. He has come so far spiritually from when I first knew him. He truly loves the Lord and is at church not because his wife nagged him and guilted him into it. He is there because he wants to be. That means so much to me.

I know my hormones are unstable right now, but I just had to share this. I am in love with my Savior! I want to be that lampstand and shine His light to a dark world. I want to pour His love into my husband, children, family, friends and whoever else God puts in my life.

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